She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
