Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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