I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
