Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
