lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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