don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
