We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
