i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
