Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Randomize
