you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Never let your siblings swipe right.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
