I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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