oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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