Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
