We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
