He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
