god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
