Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize