woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
