Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
