just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
