fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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