Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
