margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
