and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
How external is "for external use only"?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
