I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
