we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
