Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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