Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
