I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
