a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
