she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
