Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
