My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
