I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
