could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
