standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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