So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think I died a long time ago.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
