You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
