I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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