at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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