Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
