Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
