he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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