she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
