you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I think I have vodka in my lungs
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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