Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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