I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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