I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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