OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
she smelled like a LAN party
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
