i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
