when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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