dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
