ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The struggles of a small town man whore
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
