So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I smell stomach acid.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
