two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
