I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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